Why You Should Stop Trying To Save People

think-colorfulIt’s sneaky the way filters clog up on machines. You can’t usually see them without first taking things apart, but it’s important to notice the signs of a blockage before the system starts to fail.

The mind is a filter for a machine called the ‘body’. Malfunctions of the body are like the engine light in your car turning on; they’re a warning. The crazy thing is that rather than clean or change the filter, we’ve been trained to believe that we just need to throw some more chunks  (like medicine or maybe surgery) into it and everything will be ok. Really?

Lately I’ve found that my mind-filter is getting clogged with a gunky belief system about obligations. Growing up Christian, I’ve become a professional at depriving myself of blessings, joy and abundance in the name of service to others. What I hadn’t truly considered until now is that every single person on the earth has access to the same infinite, never-ending, Eternal Resources that I do. The scriptures are plain and clear about that.

The Holy Spirit speaks to everyone, regardless if they’re Christian or not. Everyone, on some level, ‘knows’ that God exists. The infinite, all-powerful God of the Universe didn’t assign me the role of being the Holy Spirit in someone else’s life, but oh, how my ego likes to think it did!

For example, I still feel like I need to save my sick, dying father, a man who has chronically shut himself off from Holy Guidance. Consider the insanity of this; if Holy Spirit hasn’t been able to get through to this man, what makes me think I can?!

As my body begins to show wear and tear under this heavy burden, I feel compelled to rinse the filter of my mind so that I can come back to my senses! Literally…my senses. Have you ever noticed that when you’re living out of false duty and not your spirit that you begin blocking out what your senses are trying to communicate to you?

Headaches, sore joints, lethargy, lowered immune system, fear and anxiety are screaming at me to “do something!!” and I’ve not been listening. The filter is slowly, insidiously, getting more and more clogged.

NO! We are not asked to sacrifice our blessings and health so that someone else can be well. God is infinitely abundant and there is more than enough for everyone. We can’t make choices for others. Thinking that we can somehow change or save other people is vain, manipulative and misguided. Wash that gunk out of your filter right now!

Let Holy Spirit do the work in others.

Let Holy Spirit do the work in YOU!

Filter

Successful Self-Care

selfcare

I worry about money. As the exclusive care-giver for my four kids and my father I go through these seasons where I worry that I won’t be successful at providing financially for all 6 of us. Caring for my family and maintaining our home is at least a full time job. Working to make money is a second full-time job.

When I get stressed I contract my muscles and this causes all kinds of problems from headaches and stiffness to earaches and lower back issues. Of course, these issues then create even more stress because they impair my ability to work my two full-time jobs. It becomes a self-defeating cycle.

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Nothing could be more true when it comes to our wholistic well-being. It’s hard for me to slow down and focus most of my energy on myself when so many other people rely on me for their well-being. Truth be told, I can only be successful at caring for others if I am diligent in caring for myself first. This coming week I’ll be slowing down and having a “Healing Week”.

Surrendering Process

The best method I’ve ever learned to alleviate worry is a process that the late Dr. David Hawkins outlines in his book Letting Go. Basically, you imagine the absolute worst-case scenario for what you’re worrying about. You allow yourself to go deep into these emotions, as if you’re actually experiencing the scenario. (You may want to lay down for this.) The idea is that if you confront your deepest, darkest fears around a worry – the fears that will likely never manifest anyway – you will deactivate your worry and empower yourself to move forward.

For example, what’s the worst case scenario if I’m unable to work and provide for my family? I’ll have to move into housing that will probably be cramped for all of us. I’d have to rely on my church, community and government to help me out financially. I’d have to use the food bank. My kids might not be able to participate as much in their extra curricular activities and I probably wouldn’t be able to replace my vehicle which is already old. I’d probably struggle with feelings of low self-worth and being a burden on society.

If I go deeply into this story, I begin to realize that although it would be challenging, I could live with it and as a family we could creatively learn how to thrive together. By dispelling the fear and worry around my worst case scenario, I free up a lot of energy that can now be used for more uplifting pursuits, such as healing myself in the present moment. This healing week I intend to:

  • Rest
  • Stretch & do Yoga
  • Pray, Meditate & do Progressive Relaxation
  • Walk in Nature
  • Plan my meals mindfully
  • Use the Letting Go Process
  • Record my Vision and Motivation for 2017

How will you be successful this year? If you need inspiration, follow me on my journey. I’d love to hear from you, so feel free to send me a message!

Successful

Perceptions

wheelchairMy dad lives with me. He’s kind of a miserable old guy who lives in a wheel chair or in his bed. He has no hobbies or friends. He just watches TV, sleeps and coughs. He makes sure he gets his daily dose of worry-inducing, fear-laced television news casts with all their hopeless stories and gory details to ensure that his mental illness and hypertension don’t start to accidentally improve. He has a giant cancerous tumour in his left lung that was easily treatable four years ago, but he chose not to help himself.

It’s one thing to spend a little time here and there with people that are down and out. It’s a completely different thing to live with one 24/7. I can literally ‘feel’ when dad is out of his room and moving about on the main floor of the home (I can smell it too, but TMI). It’s like there’s a palpable cloud of depression hanging in the air where ever he is.

So how is this uplifting? Good question! I’ve been working on this for 7 years now. I keep asking God, “How do I keep my thoughts mindful and positive when I keep seeing and feeling my dad’s misery every single day of my life without a break?!”

Ask and ye shall be given…

It’s not that I hear God audibly or anything, but I get these inspired thoughts that I know can’t be mine. So here’s the answer that came, “Stop seeing and feeling your dad’s misery.”

What the…? Seriously, God? You mean I need to take 100% responsibility for what I’m seeing and feeling even though this guy is such a crankpot and in my face all the time?!

Enter rant…

“That’s not fair! I can’t not see (and smell) what’s right in front of me! It’s his fault. He chose this path. I just got stuck with him because nobody else would do the job! Really? This is stupid. I want out. I’m going to drop him off at the doorstep of the hospital and then move to a different house so they can’t send him back. I don’t deserve this. He’s the one who’s been a jerk. I’ve just tried to be nice and kind and guess what, God? I’m burned out. I’m gonna quit!”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve played that script in my head, but I’ve tried it enough times to know that it won’t get me off the hook of being 100% responsible for my own perceptions, attitudes and decisions. Wait, did I just say ‘perceptions’? Yes, I did.

I remember the first time my counsellor challenged my ‘perceptions’. I was livid. How could it be that being mistreated and hurt by someone was all my perception??

Now for a little news flash: Your flesh/ego can’t fix its own perceptions. Case closed. Changing perceptions is a God thing and all you can do is surrender to the process and allow the shift to take place. It happens at the level of the soul. Simple, not easy.

However, taking responsibility for myself means not only relying on Holy Spirit guidance to shift my perceptions, it also means making the hard choices and sticking to them. Setting a standard and living by it.

I know my time of care-giving for my father is coming to a close. These years have been extraordinarily challenging, but they have also been one of the biggest gifts of my life. My father has shown me more about myself then anyone else. This situation has inspired me to be more loving, more kind, take responsibility for myself, strive to achieve goals and breakthroughs and to never, never, never give up no matter how hard the journey.

You will be given beauty for ashes.