Bury Dissatisfaction

HappySunIf you’re like most people, you spend (waste?) a considerable amount of time each day wishing that things were better than they are. I’m guilty of this too. This ‘disparity’ approach to life is certainly not fulfilling, nor is it helpful.

I once read a book by a person who said she gives herself half an hour each morning to grouch and complain and then after that she only allows herself to have uplifting thoughts.

Wow! What would the world be like if we all did that?!

As I was contemplating this, I realized that there are so many things that everybody can enjoy regardless of financial status, age, religion or race. Basically, if you’re human, you can improve your state of mind by doing these things:

1. Enjoy Free Things

  • Refreshing Drink of Water
  • Deep Belly Breath of Oxygen
  • Reading
  • Playing Games
  • Community
  • Resting
  • Hugging, holding and kissing
  • Nature
  • Listening to Music
  • The Library and other publicly funded FREE places
  • Sunshine, Clouds and Sky
  • The Moon and Stars
  • Sunrise/Sunset
  • Hiking, biking and other forms of movement
  • A Cuppa Coffee or Tea
  • Your Local Geography
  • Time with Pets and Animals

2. Appreciate What You Already Have

  • Shelter
  • Clothing
  • Food
  • Family and/or friends
  • A Job or source of Income or Support
  • Electricity, Gas and Plumbing

3. Dream

Longing for things from a perspective of lack generates negative energy. However, appreciating what you do have and then dreaming about what you might like can be much more positive and attract those things to you. Also, don’t get attached to what you ‘want’…often the Universe has a much better plan (I know, I’ve experienced this countless times!). Hold loosely to your desires and be open for any and all good things that will come into your life!

Can you think of things to add to these lists?

Take time to bury dissatisfaction with gratitude every day and you’ll discover how to live in true peace, joy and abundance ❤

Bury

10 Things I’d Do If This Life Was a Dream

dreamMany mystical paths teach that this world is only a dream and that when we pass on we will reawaken to our true reality.

When I get too caught up in the trappings of this world, I ask myself, “How would I live if I knew this was only a dream?”

Here are my answers:

  1. Follow my heart. Always.
  2. Forgive continuously (it’s only a dream, after all!)
  3. Love with abandon.
  4. Caper (dance and skip joyously) wherever I go…even if someone’s watching!
  5. Give material possessions and wealth away with non-attachment.
  6. Speak my truth with love and compassion.
  7. See only the best in others.
  8. Pour 100% of myself into what I believe.
  9. Only do what I am passionate for.
  10. Hug and touch more people.

If we all started living as if this life was a dream, we’d all be living in a very..not a nightmare! 

What would you do differently?

Caper

Tragedy Reveals Forgiveness Opportunity

turtleI was driving along the highway the other day and I saw a turtle capsized and off to the shoulder. I always try to stop when I find animals injured or passed away at the side of the road. Turning it over only revealed the helpless fact that the poor animal was still alive, but savagely and mortally wounded.

I gently moved it off to the grass, said I was sorry and gave gratitude for its sacrifice.

Immediately, I began a judgmental rant on how mindless people can be by not watching out for the poor creatures that become senseless victims. Next, I headed to a property where I was to do some gardening.

Karma?

At one point I needed to move a large pot to grab some weeds. I dragged it to the side only to hear the pained cry of a little toad. Mindless me! I know I should lift pots straight up to avoid injuring the frogs and toads that can live under them. Yet, it’s been awhile since I last moved one and I just wasn’t thinking about it.  Nonetheless, the toad was wounded in some concealed way and although it looked ok, its breathing was laboured and it wouldn’t move.

Had I just committed the same crime that I so mercilessly judged the turtle killer for?!

What was the Universe trying to show me?

My behaviour severely distressed me. I didn’t mean to hurt anything…but that didn’t change the fact that I had. And I couldn’t fix it. My mind was flooded with hopelessly flawed questions: Why do innocent animals and people die because of the ignorance of others? Is there a way I can prevent this? What if I become hyper-vigilant of my every move…but what if that doesn’t work and I still kill an innocent animal or bug? Why do we care more about the deaths of ‘big’ beings than small ones?

And then the big one: What if the turtle killer didn’t mean it either? What if we’re all doing the best we can with the hand we were dealt?

I realized that I was going to make myself crazy with questions that have no answers so I decided to hand the whole thing over to Jesus, my guide.

I started wondering about how hospice care workers can be with dying people when they can’t do anything to rescue them. Then the revelation came…

That was it! Sometimes you can’t do anything about things like imminent death except to accept that it will happen and to bless the little (or big) being that has shown you something…a lesson in forgiveness and gratitude. Dying beings rarely hold grudges and if it is an animal, they certainly do not. They aren’t angry or bitter at the person or other being that caused their suffering. They simply accept it and graciously slip out of this world.

So, to all the beings, both tiny and large, that have shown me true grace and forgiveness through their quiet sacrifices, thank you for teaching me to be more wary of my judgements against others and myself and for showing me that the only uplifting thing that can be done with a tragedy is to accept it and walk in love, regardless of the circumstances.

Believe that each person is doing the best they can with the lot they were dealt in life and you’ll find yourself a more compassionate, loving, forgiving human being. Start with yourself first.

P.S. I checked on the toad a few days later and it was not in it’s hidey-hole anymore so I presume it recovered. Phew!

Savage

50 Shades of Ego

shadesWhen my oldest child was born my mother would look at her and say crazy stuff like, “Babies are just pure selfishness! They’re so sinful; all they can think of is themselves.” It was this mindset, based on her ‘Christian values’, that formed the standard in which she raised me. I know that’s convoluted, and I in no way wish to place blame, but it gives some context for how my formative Christian experience shaped and affirmed the false self in me.

To begin with, my egoic specialness was identified with being sinful and inherently bad. I’m almost certain my mother thought I was the spawn of Satan. As I grew older, my ego discovered that it could also be special in the church if, instead of being pure selfishness, it became outstanding Christian goodness. I became a youth leader and eventually a pastor’s wife. In the Pentecostal circles I inhabited as a young person there could be no higher spiritual achievement for a young woman than to be married to a pastor. I had arrived.

And thus, my false self’s passive need to be special symbiotically joined the church in myriad ways. Oh, the (mis)adventures we’ve had.

Today, I find myself re-entering the context of church after a sabbatical. In my time away I explored other mystical paths and integrated new perspectives into the growing expansiveness of my spiritual repertoire. I’ve spent time in communities with no defined doctrines or sacred agendas, just simple unconditional love and acceptance.

I’d somehow drawn the conclusion that upon re-entering the church I would easily assimilate my fresh understanding into church life and something new and wonderful would just kind of instantly manifest for me.

I could not have been more wrong.

As a matter of fact, had I known before hand what I was getting myself into, I don’t think I would’ve agreed to Jesus’ invitation back into ‘the fold’! That’s not to say I was tricked; I’ve been a willing participant with the freedom to leave at any time.

My biggest challenge has been that my false self or ego is still trying to fill its old role of being special within the context of church. When I attend on Sunday morning or join up with a midweek small group, ego arises in me, nuanced with various shades of judgment, anger, frustration and self-righteousness. Ugly, ugly, ugly. It’s as if a mischievous toddler just walked up to my beautifully crafted masterpiece of ‘enlightened self’ and scribbled all over it with a crayon.

Could it be that the Divine is gently proposing I rework my sanctimonious showpiece, starting with a thick coat of primer? Seems so.

Jesus, give me the courage to walk in the humility you so graciously demonstrated, to be open to the reshaping of your Spirit in me, not clinging to what I’ve created myself to be, but in the openness and vulnerability of my True Self in you. Let me be a freshly primed canvass. This time, you be the paintbrush.

“Love does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Nuance

Transformed by the Father’s Love

fatherchildSome people grew up in families where their parents were able to convey enough love, acceptance and wisdom that the children grew up to be relatively functional adults. Other families, like mine, came from a heritage of victimhood and rather than growing up empowered, we entered the world of adulthood feeling like orphans. From there on, we either spiralled down the path of being a chronic victim or chose the path of awakening to who we truly are in God.

Both options are painful. While the path of victimhood is destructively painful, the path of awakening is productively painful.

If it’s going to hurt anyway, why not make it count?

For many years now I’ve been on a journey of being re-parented by Abba (Father God). Having my biological, mentally ill father living with me has made this a very interesting process. We have both lived like orphans; believing that we will never really be taken care of. Often, when I start to make progress in my healing and create stronger boundaries, I trigger the orphan in my father and he quickly becomes extremely defensive and verbally lashes at me. He has no ability to empathize and the conversation always morphs into him spotlighting all the ways that he is a victim of me. This is followed by him literally listing off how I am financially indebted to him. It’s twisted, but it follows a rhythmic pattern we’ve shared since I was too young to remember. Not being entirely healed of my own victim, I often react to this rejection instantly.

My father and I went down this road again recently, but something was different this time. I still reacted inside. However, instead of firing right back at him, a new sense of self-awareness awoke in me and I just turned around and retreated to my room. I now know exactly how to enter into that place of complete abandon into Abba’s Love. It’s the place I’ve yearned for and worked a life time to find. It’s not that I didn’t find it when I was younger, it’s just that I never knew how I got there, so I couldn’t find my way back intentionally. Things have changed.

In the scriptures Jesus taught that to follow him we must be willing to ‘hate’ our mother and father. There’s a lot written about what that means exactly and whether it’s just symbolic language. For me, entering into the true Love of God has required me to release all attachments I have to needing the love of my parents. I used to project the deficiencies of my parents onto my relationship with Abba. In time, and with much inner healing, most of that has transformed for me. Just one thing remained…

I heard a teaching by Arthur Burk explaining that some people actually need to heal a wound of being abandoned by God. What?! No way. I’ve been abandoned by a lot of people in my life, but never by God!

That’s been my story and I stuck to it for many, many years. Then one day something triggered me deeply and I descended right down into the black hole of complete and utter despair that I felt way too often as a child. I was reminded how I cried out to Abba to pick me up and hold me…and sometimes He never came. If you’ve been there, you’ll know it’s one of the worst pains you’ll feel in this life.

Undeniably, I have felt abandoned by Abba.

It wasn’t until I could admit that this was true that I finally found (and remembered) my path straight to the Father’s heart. The Love of Abba is so radically different than anything I’ve ever know with my earthly parents that the comparison between the two has just stopped all together for me.

Now I know how to return to Love and it has completely empowered me to make some big changes that I never had the confidence to implement before.

Thank You Abba for Your complete and unending Love.

Rhythmic

Fearless Authenticity

basejumpWe were talking about Sunday school experiences in our childhood. One person contributed that he didn’t spend much time in Sunday school because he was often kicked out. There’s nothing like somebody else’s story to help trigger memories of your own…

As a child, I was kicked out of everything: school, music groups, kids clubs, Sunday school. You name it. The reason? I lived out of my truth regardless the cost. In Christian school we were awarded a ‘character trait’ poster at the end of every year. I got ones like ‘fearless’ and ‘thorough’. I can still remember the sound of the entire audience laughing when they called mine out. I guess you could say I had a reputation.  Nonetheless, the price was high in the 80’s when corporeal punishment still existed in schools and churches. A much worse fate awaited me at home. (trigger warning)

I grew up in a family where babies were beaten for crying or waking up at the wrong times and children were dragged out of their beds in the middle of the night for violent reasons. For me the solution was simple, learn to dissociate from the body and live my truth anyway. The result was a lot of hiding under the basement stairs and spending time in the forest. It was in those places where I would meet Jesus and experience Holy Spirit in ways that were more real than anything I encountered in the physical world.

As the years progressed, I learned to live with the incongruency of outer compliance because I finally caught on that my chances of survival were greater if I kept my soul hidden. I’ve never disconnected from Holy Spirit. Jesus has always been a faithful companion and guide. The pure, unconditional love and intimacy I’ve experienced with the Father is not worthy of words.

My biggest challenge in adulthood has been returning back to that place of complete and wild abandon in my spirit. It’s there. I feel it in the forest, on my mountain bike or with people I trust deeply. But much of the time I withhold. A lot. I don’t want to be perceived as rebellious or a heretic or worse. I am not fearless like I once was.

The western world, with all its controlling institutions, has not made space for people like myself…and perhaps you also. Maybe you’ve felt it though; a growing dissatisfaction amongst the intuitive masses. Many of us are no longer content with just wandering in the forests or hiding behind our blogs.

It’s not easy going into the places that make me feel uncomfortable, the places where I’m constantly confronted by the battle between my ego and my spirit. While I’m fairly good at helping others with their issues, I really don’t know how to share my true self with people that live out of a different paradigm than I do.

The path I’m on is certainly not easy, but the way for my children is somewhat easier. My kids have always had the freedom to live from their truth in my home. It might seem unconventional and it’s definitely anti-institutional, but we’ve made it a priority that they always lead with their human spirits and tune into Holy Spirit. Their egos come up with some pretty interesting stuff too, but how can you learn to distinguish between the two if you aren’t given the freedom to make mistakes in a safe environment?

Holy Spirit works in weird ways that I’m quick to judge as ‘wrong’, especially in other people’s lives. Keeping my mouth shut and allowing Spirit to do its thing in others, and even more so in myself, is a lesson I’m doomed to repeat. God grant us grace to love and forgive ourselves that we might be empowered to do the same for others.

Sound

Let Go

free

let go the expectations                                                                                                                                      that chain you up today

unleash the resistance                                                                                                                                      that hinders your true way

open up to Love’s pure flow                                                                                                                         into your destiny you will go

Expectation